I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
