I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
