i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
