She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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