It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize