What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
