Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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