Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
