I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize