I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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