you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
