Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
