Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize