My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
