I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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