Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize