it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
