i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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