I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
