At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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