I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
