shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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