i can't believe i had my finger in that
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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