Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
