What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
