i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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