does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
