i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
