I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
