My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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