i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
