uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Non-Jews are for practice
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
