it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
