And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
