and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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