The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
