You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
