Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
