my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
