just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
