i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
