Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
