so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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