I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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