I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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