i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
wow bdsm is so cute
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
