You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize