I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
