perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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