Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
