I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
