I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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