i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
