so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
