I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
