In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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