Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
