I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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