my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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