Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize