Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
