On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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