My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
