Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
