I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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