U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
