So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
