Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
