you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
