it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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