If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
