She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
