I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
