A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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