24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
