she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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