Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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