I've blown a few things in my day
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dicks are not precious.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
