he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
