Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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