the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize