there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
