I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
