I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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