Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
