I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
