I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just high enough for therapy.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
