That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
