do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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