If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
