you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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