I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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